Family
stories (the building blocks of a family history) are beneficial to kids for
many reasons. In addition to helping their self-esteem, providing a sense
of belonging, and {keeping entitlement in check}, family stories help kids cope. The world around us is a
wonderful place that can be difficult at the same time. Kids have to cope
with stresses that just didn’t exist 20 years ago. Researchers have found
that one of the best sources of strength and resilience for kids is knowing
their family history.
At {Emory
University, two psychologists} developed
a “Do You Know” scale to measure how much kids knew about their
family. {Questions} included such things as “Do
you know how your parents met?” and “Do you know where your parents went to
school?”
The
study concluded that teenagers who knew their family stories showed “higher
levels of emotional well-being, and also higher levels of identity
achievement.” The research showed that family stories provide a sense of
identity and help kids understand who they are and where they belong.
This leads to greater coping skills when kids are faced with problems, upsets,
and disappointments.
"The
most important thing you can do may be the easiest of all. Tell your children
the story of their family. Children who know more about their parents,
grandparents, and other relatives – both their ups and their downs – have
higher self-esteem and greater confidence to confront their own challenges.
Researchers have found that knowing more about family history is the single
biggest predictor of a child’s emotional well-being."
I have had some experience with this myself.
When
my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer, her doctors gave her 3-5
years. Even with aggressive chemotherapy treatments, she passed away
seven months later, having just begun the second round of chemo. My
little niece was a few months away from her second birthday at the time.
My brother and sister-in-law (her parents) mourned not only the loss of my mom
but the loss of their little girl’s grandma. They were saddened that my
niece would never really get to know her grandma.
Based
mostly on my brother and sister-in-law’s concerns, I decided to create a {board
book} for my
niece about my mom. The book, I thought, would give her a way to get to
know her grandma. I have to say, it was pretty hard to try to write about
my mom’s life in toddler language. I didn’t know how exactly to summarize
such a full and productive life.
Finally, the thought came to me that I could write the book with a
“what Grandma loved” theme.
I
wrote about the things that my mom loved doing, things she was passionate
about, and things she adored. Of course, one of the things she loved the
very most was her grandchildren. On that page, I added photos of my niece
with my mom as well as photos of my niece with her other cousins–people she
DOES remember. My mom still loves my niece from heaven, and that’s so
important for my niece to remember.
It’s
been over a year now since I gave my niece the “Grandma Loves Me” book.
You may remember me sharing this book on a #familyhistoryfriday in June at
the {HealingFrom Grief Through Family Stories} post.
I recently found out firsthand the impact this little book had.
A few
months ago, I was visiting my brother and sister-in-law. My niece gave me
the grand tour of her house. As I stood at the doorway to her bedroom,
she ran in front of me to grab the book she had spotted on her bed. She
yelled excitedly, “That’s my grommaw in
heaven!!”
She was so thrilled to be able to introduce me to her Grandma in heaven!
I sat on her bed while she climbed into my lap so we could read “Grandma Loves
Me.” She’s three years old and doesn’t realize that I made the book, or
that she was telling me about my own mother. I was completely overcome. This
little girl knows her grommaw in heaven, and she knows she is loved from
heaven.
Although
my niece was too young to have to really cope with the loss of her grandma like
the rest of our family, family
stories help us all. Connecting
with our history, our family, and our stories provides strength and coping
skills because we know we belong. Some day, my niece will wish she
remembered my mom. She will wish she had more time with her
grandma. But she knows her grandma, and they are connected, because she
knows stories about her grandma.
Take
some time to tell family stories, and then take some time to {record them} so they’re accessible and not forgotten. The stresses kids go
through every day make them need their family connections more than ever.
Tell family stories is one of the simplest, yet most powerful, things we can do
for our kids.
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This
post was originally published at www.livegrowgive.org on October 27, 2017, by Jennifer
Wise. Read more #familyhistoryfriday posts by clicking the hashtag below next to Labels.
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