Three Answers to "What if My Kids Don't Want My Photos?"

The first time I heard this, I couldn't believe it.  How could your kids not want your photos?  

I think of the photos I've inherited, and they're cherished and priceless!  I have pictures of my grandparents, pictures of my mom in college, and so many other treasures.  They're treasures, in part, because I don't get to see those faces any more now that they've passed on.  How could I not want those photos?

But "What if my kids don't want my photos?" is a real question asked by more people than I previously imagined. 

My 19 years as a memory-keeping consultant have led me to 3 answers to this question, so if this is something you're worried about:  take heart and read on.

Answer #1:  They may yet want them.

It may be that your children do not yet feel a sense of nostalgia.  Christopher McAfee wrote in his wonderful article Why We Preserve that while keeping something for the simple reason that it belonged to someone else doesn't seem particularly logical, keeping our history close to us is nostalgic, and nostalgia is good for us.  He calls nostalgia "an antidote to the stresses of today," and notes that nostalgia is strengthening.

In fact, McAfee recounts, the word nostalgia was first used in the late 1600s as a medical term!  The root of the word means "an aching for home."  It is, essentially, homesickness.  Back then, the cure for the condition "nostalgia" was to send the person back home.  And guess what.  It worked.  Going home cured the illness.

Certain things, like family keepsakes, actually give us a sense of belonging and connection, as I wrote in Telling Family Stories with Keepsakes.  McAfee says they keep him "connected to humanity."

This is what pictures do.  In fact, I believe that's what pictures are for.

And there's some good news about nostalgia.  It changes.

So if you don't think your kids are nostalgic, I'll say once more:  maybe not yet.

A psychologist at the University of Surrey, Erica Hepper, found that nostalgia is very beneficial to young adults as they navigate life changes during the turbulent times that accompany becoming independent.  Nostalgia then plateaus during the busy family-career years.  However, nostalgia is rekindled as we age.  We miss those who have passed on, we long for the days when everything was simpler, music was better, and someone cooked our favorite food.   

So if your kids tell you they don't want your photos, don't be so quick to believe them.

Answer #2:  Paradigm shift:  Maybe they're not for them.

Another answer to the "What if my kids don't want my photos?" question may be a paradigm shift. Have you ever considered:  What if your photos aren't for them?  What if they're really for YOU?

Now, granted, the photos of my grandparents that my parents have are definitely for me.  There are certainly photos that are a part of our family history, our family's stories, that are for all of us.  But speaking generally, what if your photos are for you?  Let me explain what I mean.

OUR photos mean something to US.   To you, this might just be a pretty bad photo of something somewhat unrecognizable.  But it means something to me.

Did you know that at the Outer Banks of North Carolina, ghost crabs pop out of the sand at night?  Yup!  If you take a flashlight out at night, you can see them!  We had a great time doing this at a family reunion a couple of years ago.  

So this photo means something to me.  It's attached to fond, fun memories.  I've recorded those memories in my family yearbook next to this photo.

Does that mean my kids have to love and want this photo?  Not really.  If they have the same reaction to this photo as I do, I imagine they would want to keep and preserve it.  If not--if there are other photos that mean more to them--that's okay.  They get to choose their favorite photos to preserve just like I do.

Which leads us to the final possibility of the answer to our question.

Answer #3:  Let them choose their favorites.

We do have a lot of photos these days--no one would argue that.  So it's possible that your kids are overwhelmed at the thought of having all YOUR photos in addition to all THEIR photos.

Maybe you have 50 photos with your grandma in them.  Your kids should certainly have a photo of your grandma, but what if they just chose 2 or 3 favorites?

What if you took 150 pictures at Disneyland when your kids were little, but they have 10 favorites and only want those?

Paring down is OK.  In fact, in the 21st century it's necessary for us to enable us to stop having more pictures than we can even look at.

Offering the "just choose your favorites" approach may alleviate the overwhelm--if that's what your kids are feeling--and it may make them a little more interested in your pictures now.

Try This!  Digital and Print Solutions

REDUCING OVERWHELM WITH DIGITAL PHOTOS

Here's my best advice for sharing your photos with your kids while also allowing them to choose their favorites.

First, preserve them permanently and securely with a company with public interest (meaning, they can't just change their policies when they feel like it, like Shutterfly did in what I call The Great Shutterfly Debacle of 2023).

Forever guarantees your photos to be private and your account to be accessible for your lifetime plus 100 years.  You actually purchase cloud photo (and video) storage so that you own it--forever.  And nothing will change.  It's brilliant, and there's nothing else like it.  If you haven't guessed, this is why I recommend it and so happily use it myself.

Here's how your kids come into play.

There are a *couple of ways to share photos digitally via Forever, but the end result will be the same:  you can let your kids download individual photos and videos that mean something to them.  They don't have to inherit all of them if they don't want to.  They can choose what means the most to them.

*Your kids could access your Forever account on their own computers or phones (using a web browser, not the app) and download individual photos or videos.  You'll need to give them your login information, but it's a really simple way to share photos.  Another option would be to have your kids open their own Forever accounts, and then connect them as "Friends and Family," in which case they can see whatever photos/videos you set to "Friends and Family" view.  They can easily download from there.

To do this, just open your (free) Forever account here, then follow the uploading photos directions in this video.  You can organize really well in your Forever account, too.

Your account comes with 2 GB of free photo storage, and you can buy more here--either in monthly payments or just one.  Most people need at least 25 GB of cloud storage, but you can always buy more if you find out you need it.

NOTE:  I am a Forever affiliate (a decision I made because I love it so much), so you will find affiliate links in this post, from which I earn a commission if you make a purchase, at no extra cost to you.

REDUCING OVERWHELM WITH PRINTED PHOTOS AND OLD SCRAPBOOKS

And guess what!  You can preserve, store, and share not only photos and videos in your Forever Storage, but PDFs, too.  That means if you have a digital version of your scrapbooks (in PDF form), you can keep them safe (and share them digitally!) in your Forever account, too.  

This is something else that may help your kids not feel overwhelmed about keeping all your photos and memories.

You can see one of my digital books here.

Don't have digital photo albums or scrapbooks?  That's ok!  You can scan (digitize) them safely and securely here, or you can create them here if you haven't yet--all 3 of these options are highest quality in the industry:

Sometimes big, bulky scrapbooks of the past seem overwhelming to take on, so scanning them can ease the "but where will I put it all?" thoughts your kids might be having.  

Digital versions of those books are fine, but I personally think it's important to print them in a book.  A printed book will take up much less space than the big scrapbooks do.  In fact, these two books cover roughly the same amount of time:

Plus, the hard copy of your memories doesn't need a full battery in order to access it!

Don't want the expense of getting your digital book professionally scanned?  Here's a wonderful way to easily put the scanned version of old scrapbooks into a slimmer hardbound book. 

In The End

Whichever of these 3 possible answers is the answer to your "What if my kids don't want my photos" question, don't worry.  Nostalgia will kick in eventually, YOU get the amazing benefits of your photos no matter what, and they can always just pick their favorites if that's the best fit for them.  

It will all work out well in the end.

Really.  

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